Faking Me

Okay so sometimes I get these really weird obsessions with another persons life so much so that I want to be them. Everything about them seems so amazing and desirable that I am just about ready to ditch my own life for theirs. At those times I'm probably stalking them on every social media account they have just so I can keep tabs on their oh so glamorous lives. Sounds sad, I know, but judge me later because I have a point that I'm heading towards at a torturously slow pace.

So as I'm stalking them and bowing down at their feet, I reconsider how I act towards people and what first impressions I make on others. I wish that I could have the personality and persona of these people I prop up on a pedestal oh so high and I start comparing myself to them and thinking of 'all the things' I have in common with them. But now when I look back on how I act with other people I wonder if I'm really being me or I'm just faking a personality that I don't actually own. How am I supposed to know who I really am when I could be tricking myself into being this other person who in reality, I only just admire? At what point in life do you actually know who you are? I completely understand how painstakingly cliche this all sounds, I'm just another teenager searching for themselves, (I honestly considered backspacing that line but that would ruin the authenticity of this post now wouldn't it) but I don't know if I'm lying to myself, how am I supposed to know?

It annoys me when someone says just be yourself because saying that to someone who doesn't even know who they are makes it that much harder to stay true to who you are. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever become aware to 'who I am' but I guess I should stop thinking about it and go with the flow of life because apparently I think too much.